M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
