I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
