So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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