Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize