hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
