and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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