Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
