everyone is single if you try hard enough
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize