The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
