I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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