so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
