Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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