its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
