I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
