i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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