oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
