Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
