I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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