you told grandpa to call you daddy
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
