I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
