Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
