I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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