I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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