who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
