I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
