Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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