Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
