Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
