K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
