There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
