Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
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