just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
