I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
