I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
