I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
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