You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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