tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
