You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
They are going to name an STD after you.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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