Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hippo gnu deer
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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