The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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