My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
