Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
