his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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