yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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