Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
