Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
