is your mom at the bar?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
