I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
