Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
