I haven't been this sober since birth.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
