Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
