Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
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He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
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I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I believe in your delicious
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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