how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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