another moral hangover. fuck.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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