Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
