please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
