my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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