we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
