I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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