Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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