All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
