Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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