bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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