i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
