why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
