I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
