I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
