Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
