at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
