You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
