i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
