I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
