this beer tastes like vomit already
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
