i'm signing you up for texting rehab
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
