you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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