We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
