dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
