Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
