Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
