Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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