i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
