so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
