Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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